Wednesday, April 25, 2007

I Wanna Go Fast: Death Proof (amongst others)

This review contains plot elements and offensive letters. You've been warned.

Kurt Russell is the man.

Watch "Escape From New York," "Big Trouble in Little China" and "Tombstone" to get my drift.

So when Quentin Tarantino made him the villain in this psuedo slasher, I was pumped beyong belief.

I had no idea how much better it would get.

"Death Proof" is the ending title of the epic drive-thru homage known as "Grindhouse." Taking a que from such classics as "The Dukes of Hazard" and any movie with a muscle car, DP rocks over the screen with meaty sounds and gruesome crashes.

"Planet Terror", according to Tarantino, is a horror movie, while "Death Proof" is a terror movie. Until now, I honestly didn't think of the differences.

Horror usually means there will be scantily clad women having outrageous sex with muscular men before being devoured by some form of monster.

Terror means scantily clad teenagers making sweet backseat romance with football captains before a crazy man stabs them with a letter opener.

In this case, its the latter.

Kurt Russell stars as Stuntman Mike, an ex-stuntman whose fame never actually came. He sits in bars, not actually drinking, but stalks women he considers attractive/annoying/pretentious.

And then he kills them.

What's awesome is the medium through which he accomplishes this.

His car. His nasty, manly car.

The title of the film comes from the fact that, as a stuntman, Russell made his car "death proof." But to quote, "to get the full benefits, you've really gotta be sitting in [his] seat."

After killing a few women, Russell picks a fight with the wrong group. Rosario Dawson, Tracie Thorns and Zoe Bell take a joy ride in a muscle car, performing an insane stunt where Zoe lies on top of the hood at high speeds.

Russell tries to have some fun.

The following chase is gritty and intense, with some stuntwork that will blow out the back of your anus. What's even better is how funny it all comes off. Tarantino really has a knack for keeping action, suspense and comedy in one package.

I won't ruin the movie for you, as the ending is pretty satisfying, so we'll just move on to a few of the previews.

"Thanksgiving" is a complete parody of the first "Halloween", complete with ridiculous scenes of cheerleaders making out with boys, turning, and looking back at a suddenly headless torso.

It has the most disturbingly funny ending to any preview in the whole show. I can't say any more than it seems to parody an old "South Park" episode.

Finally there is "Don't."

There's really nothing special about the preview, but it's funny for some strange reason. Honestly, you really can't describe the attraction, it's just there. Watch and you shall see.

Well, we've reached the end of this double-parter. I hope you liked it as much as I did. Coming soon, another bad movie.

Watch carefully.


Anonymous said...

I liked Death Proof way better than Planet Terror, zombie movies aren't really my thing anyway, you know that.

Hopefully the movies are released onto DVD separately, with the full lengths of each one. And the trailers are included. Thanksgiving was indeed the best one.

But seriously, Hostel didn't gross you out?


Anonymous said...

did those fliers help at all?