Monday, August 13, 2007

Don't Judge a Book: Stardust


This can't be happening. I can't believe what I just saw.

Seriously.

I have spent most of my adult life trying to prevent books from becoming movies, mainly out of a steadfast sense of humanity.

Yet here, with one of my favorite author's novellas on the line, I was asleep at the watch.

And the world will reap the benefits.

Let's start at the beginning...

Neil Gaiman, a British writer of much renoun, decided to be a great man of the pen. In fact, I would say he is one of the best novelists out there today, one top of the heap with Chuck Palhanuik and Stephen-Freaking-King.

His works include American Gods and Anansi Boys, both epic tales of theology and magic in our modern world.

His wry humor and graphic visuals paint a vivid picture that stays in the mind long after the words are forgotten. I often quote his witticisms to my friends and claim to have been brilliant enought to conjour them on my own.

I'll admit to the lies later. I want my damn fifteen minutes.

Anyway, let's drag this conversation in a different direction for a moment.

Most books that become movies suck. This is common knowledge.

Look no further than "The Lost World," or "Dreamcatcher" for prime examples of how NOT to make a book into a movie.

I especially loathe what happens to Stephen King novels when they reach the silver screen. It's as though all the good is removied surgically, replaced by a boat-load of suck and bad dialogue.

Some movies do break the mold from time to time. "Never Ending Story" actually stuck to the original plot quite fairly, and both the novel and film can be considered quite magical and awesome. But examples like this are the exeption, not the rule.

But something very special has occured at theaters near you. A movie of unmatched potential arrived and you probably didn't even know.

Neil Gaiman, as I previously mentioned, is quite the writer. His mezmerizing film Mirror Mask was a familiar story wrapped in a completely original and beautiful package. His books border on the macabre and in the most brilliant sense of the word.

So you can imagine my sense of anxiety when I learned they were making a movie based on one of his novels, and my relief when I learned he would be penning the screenplay.

And with Michelle Pfieffer and Robert DeNiro in on the action as well, I had high hopes.

And this movie exceeded them.

Let's talk visuals, because that's what draws many to fantasy films. This movie has both the mundane (little villages that don't quite impress the eye) to extreme (castles that stretch the imagination to its limit. The effects are gorgeous without being overwhelming, so don't expect "Lord of the Rings" style CGI.

The dialogue was excellent, full of Gaiman's trademark humor, which translates very well from page to screen. Each character has a unique voice and a well defined role. There don't appear to be many superfluous players or scenes. In fact, the flow of the whole film is smoother than one could imagine, given the fantasy fair we've been given as of late.

The acting was, on the whole, good. You could honestly beleive most of the actors fit in their respective roles. The only exception was Ricky Gervais (From "Extras"). He basically played himself, but he was funny enough that you didn't care.

Finally let's take a look at the story.

Overall? Excellent.

This is Neil Gaiman we're talking about.

You start with a simple tale of a boy going on a quest for the girl he loves. Sure, she's kinda mean and doesn't respect him at all, but this is puppy love.

In the subplot arena, we have a kingdom where the heirs are chosen for brutality rather than compassion, three witch sisters who've let the years sneak up on them, and a fallen star with a bad attitude.

I honestly can't recommend this movie enough. I'll let it speak for itself.

I give this movie nine enthusiastically shaken ferrets out of ten.

Go on, watch carefully.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

The Return

Well, I am feeling pretty good.

I just spent a month training in Fort Lewis, Washington, having my ass handed to me time and again by NCOs and disgruntled officers.

Thus you may ask why I feel good.

After not sleeping for a month, having even a small moment to relax on my own does wonders. I spent most of today just relaxing and not moving and I feel great.

Now, on to business. I shall begin reviewing the scrap of moviedome rather soon. I have a little work to catch up on before then, but with any luck a new tale of woe shall be posted within the next two days.

Until then, go see "The Bourne Ultimatum."

Sunday, July 01, 2007

Happy Independence Day: Live Free, or Die Hard


Let me tell ya'll a story.

I went with my family to see the sequel I've been waiting for all summer.

As it is not yet July, I can't be referring to "Harry Potter". No, this was a manly, patriotic romp to be remembered for all times: the return of the legendary John McClane.

At first, we were delayed trying to get to the theater. It seemed that the heavens opened and decided to dump a few floods on top of my area of Texas.

Whilst inside the theater, the power gave way a few times--which was a great way to pay tribute to the show...but things didn't follow suit.

About five minutes into the film, right before the awesome started, the power gave out again. It appeared that a tornado--a spinning vortex of wind and debris that can be easily described as the vengeful finger of an angry god--dropped down a few blocks away and trashed the power grid.

No manager came in to warn us theater goers. In fact, when the whole building went black, not a single agent of the cinemaplex seemed to give the ass of a rat about us patrons.

At the same time, this torrent of rain prevented me from making my flight back to Beantown, keeping me in Texas just long enough to make another go of seeing the film with family.

This time, victory was mine.

And thus I saw Live Free or Die Hard

And wow. Where do I begin?

Firstly, let's just get the elephant out of the room and address the rest of the summer's film offerings. They were awful.

I mean Bubonic Plague, sores spreading across your torso, infested thromboembolisms of the liver and spleen.

Basically the worst parts of the Bible.

Ocean's Thirteen wasn't bad. Pirates 3 was better than the second, if still inferior to the original. And I'm not even going to mention the rest of the shlock that I saw on the silver screen.

What I'm gonna say right now is going to sound a little bit like gushing, but bare with me.

This movie is perhaps on par with Rocky Balboa.

Firstly, let's address the main attraction: Bruce Willis back in his best role.

Some of us (myself included) remember the great days of the original "Die Hard" Trilogy. Alan Rickman took a break from kicking the face off of stage theater to portray one of the greatest villains of all time. William Sadler ("The Green Mile") did an OK job in the slightly lacking sequel.

And who can forget Samuel L. Jackson (A twelfth degree BAMF) who joined in as Zues in "Die Hard: With a Vengeance", this time with Jeremy Irons as an equally amazing badguy.

I mean, what a freakin' line to follow.

Let's start with the basic premise.

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD
Deal with it.

America is under attack from within. Techno-terrorists are taking down our power grids one leg at a time, and they can't be traced or stopped.

Their plan is perfect, except for one small flaw: They didn't factor in John McClane.

Start with a fairly hot asian woman tricking several hackers into opening back doors into every system we rely on. (Maggie Q from "Mission: Impossible III")

Throw in a beaten and war weary John McClane on a rookie's errand picking up a wanted suspect, Matt Ferrell (Justin Long, the Apple guy).

Now add the most devious mind of all time, a super-techno-home-grown-terrorist (Timothy Olyphant, the sherriff from "Deadwood")

What you get is a damn fine movie, probably the best action movie of the summer.

Let's go through some of my favorite moments:

-Basically anytime John taunts the badguys

-Kevin Smith as, well, Kevin Smith

-The amazing fighting from Maggie Q vs the balls-to-the-wall knucklings of Detective McClane

-Probably the most visceral chases ever

I can't go into too much detail because this is honestly the kind of action movie you need to be a part of. Sure, there are the "don't forget the G-men are stupid" moments and a few political pokes at both sides of the aisle, but for the most part this movie is about the original American Badass and his quest to right the wrongs of society.

And believe me, John McClane rights his wrongs with a passion not seen since George Washington dropped a train on some unscrupulous British folk.

If you have never seen a single "Die Hard" movie, you still owe it to yourself to see this film based on its power as an action staple.

I give this nine stars, though this is adrenaline talking right now. As I see it over and over, flaws will no doubt reveal themselves, such as plot holes that are inevitable with an endeavor such as this, but who cares.

This was an enjoyable experience and I'm not gonna take back my recommendation.

Go on, indulge in a little patriotic bad-assery this Fourth of July. Live Free, or Die Hard. Your choice.

And then go see "Transformers".

Watch carefully.