Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Still Afloat: Deep Blue Sea

Sometimes a movie can take itself too seriously. When this happens, the unwarranted humor is lost, and the movie becomes a total flop. I'd provide a complete list of films that suffer this quality, but since only five of you have 200 Terabytes to waste, I shant.

The good news is that "Deep Blue Sea" is not such an offender.

Starring the venerable Samuel L. Jackson (let the record show: BAMF) and the spicy Saffrom Burrows (Wing Commander...and plenty of chick flicks), this epic tale of Mankind's unsatiable need to play G-d treats the viewer like a pony ride, until alas, the circle around the stick ends and you leave, smellier than before and feeling slightly cheated.

This movie fits within the spectrum of B by a hair, as it only has a about seven of the necessary fourty-eight traits required to be a B movie.

There is the THEME SONG, performed by L.L. Cool J (the only man with more initials than name).

There is the fact that the movie is a rip off of Frankenstein (in a way, but very well done).

And of course, the obligatory "we did this for the sake of humanity" excuse that all mad scientists give...right before being crushed/eaten/set-on-fire/shoved into a mailbox and shipped FedEx to the nearest volcano.

Before I go on, let me say that I liked this movie. I found it entertaining, and I would recommend it to anyone who comes to this site for any reason other than to mock/stalk me.

"Deep Blue Sea" is a tale about giant, super-smart sharks hell-bent on reaching the rest of the world. They reside in a floating laboratory and provide an essential brain fluid that will cure alzheimers. Seriously. It could work. Just watch "Shark Week" for a few days and this will be tossed around like Ashley Simpson at a Kenny G. concert.

Inside the lab resides the criminal-with-a-heart-of-gold Thomas Jane (not "The Revenger", the PUNISHER) who, inevitably, turns out to be the humans only hope. Sam arrives as an objective observer, hoping to shut down the crazy-with-power Saffron (who is pretty smokin', and get's down to skivvies). Also along for the ride is the afformentioned Cool J. (stands for Jebediah...who knew?) who is the cook and comic relief/BAMF No. 2.

Add some disposable scientists and you have a nice base.

The special effects are nice, for 1999, and the sharks are big enough to make you think: "So....never going to the beach again? All right, glad we agree."

There's some speeches about people's pasts, jump scares, and even one-liners at inopportune times that never affect anyone's ability to fire a shot/save a life. It's awesome sauce, seriously.

I don't have a rating scale, unless you count one Kate Beckinsale (who is in fact a 257 to the fourtieth on a scale of 1-10). I give this movie a "check it out, why don't ya?" I hope that helps.

In a post-script style note, one of the killables is Stellan Skarsgard, who is kick-awesome in his own right.

Watch on, faithful viewers.

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