Monday, September 18, 2006

Acid Trip for the Whole Family: Aeon Flux

I will never say that Charlize Theron is not attractive.

In fact, if someone were to make such a statement, I would be bound by law to beat them with a hollow tube until they saw the error of their ways.

So when I slipped the disc for "Aeon Flux" into my PS2, my first thought was: "At least Charlize Theron will be hot in this."

I wasn't wrong.

But neither was I right to say that Miss Theron is the only good thing in the film.

Let's face it: sci-fi movies come and go like the wind, and often bring unkind tainted aromas to the genre. For every "Serenity" there are four "Attack of the Giant Leeches".

I went into "Aeon Flux" with as low an expectation as could be managed under the circumstances.

My roomate had already released a litany of criticism upon the movie, and everyone I asked made faces akin to watching an episode of the "Simple Life."

The "plot" of this flick is.......alarming? Confusing? A bit unkempt? Let's just say it makes no f'n sense.

Charlize (yup, I'm on a first name basis with her) acts as the super-heroine Aeon who fights with an underground rebellion against the Goodchild Regime. The Goodchilds...Goodchildren?...have been ruling over what's left of humanity after a virus wipes out 99% of the planet.

Apparently, in the future, fighting a totalitarian cabal involves a lot of wire-work and sex appeal.

Theron flies around the screen in less attire than Mila Jovovich in "5th Element". I'm not saying that's a bad thing, it's just...a...thing.

The effects are satisfactory, and more than what you would expect from an MTV movie. Explosions are unfortunately few and far between, but the eye candy isn't the CGI.

It's Charlize. All the time.

The fighting is reminiscent of "Equilibrium", a sleeper hit with Christian Bale (review to come...eventually?) Miss T can swing her legs in fantastical ways that make you want to...fight...her?

Ok, I need a break.

(Cold shower wait 5)

I'm back.

The acting is pretty bad. Not Uwe Boll bad, or "Starship Troopers 2" bad, but lame enough that you won't believe much of what comes out of peoples' mouths.

The writing isn't too far from the mark, so the delivery stings and makes you feel bad for the players.

One thing that was very distracting, the whole damn movie, was the fact that scenes tended to meld together. There were so many dream sequences and slow motion chases, I often found myself wondering where in the hell people were, and how they got there.

It kinda reminded me of "Wild Wild West" (review...NEVER). That whole "film", I was wondering how in the hell Will Smith managed to be EVERYWHERE at once.

I can't remember much of the original anime show on MTV, but if you enjoyed that little diddy, you might as well throw this one up on your Netflix queue.

As for ratings....I'll give this one a Salsa lesson administered by one Charlize Theron.


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