Wicked Hot: Reign of Fire

I love dragons. I'm putting this out for the whole world. I don't want anyone to come to this discussion thinking otherwise. In fact, I would rank dragons as up there with my obsessions, right next to games, zombies, and the ever present KB stalkfest.

So I guess you could say I was looking forward to "Reign of Fire."

Actually, you could say I tried to download the movie a month before it came out in theaters only to end up with disturbing German webcam footage I can only describe as "fertlizing?"

Christian Bale (Batman, American Psycho) and Matthew McConaughey (Sahara) star in this sleeper sci-fi movie about a post-apocalyptic future where dragons, awakened by a foolish boy and an even screwier plot device, reap havoc across the Earth.

It's kick-awesome!

The creators of this scale-flick went to the roots of the issue when they created the winged-lizards with terrible morning breath. They researched the mythology and came up with an entirely impossible scenario of dragons scorching the land black until finally going to sleep (and they would be sleepy.)

Plot holes aside, the characters play the straight card throughout the film and never giggle at the fact that they, in fact, are in a hardcore version of "Dragonheart".

OK, so Matt does go a little nuts at the end when he does his impression of Superman with an axe, but other than that, the movie takes itself very seriously.

In this version of the future, dragons, awakened from a few centuries of slumber, destroy what civilization man had accumulated in a matter of weeks. Everything is burned to a cinder...because (get this, I'm not joking) dragons eat ash.

Let that sink in.

So people hide away wherever they can, staying out of sight most of the time, starving because they can't grow food, and basically living one minute at a time. It's like The Simple Life, only less horrifying.

I watched this movie and enjoyed it, even though it does dissappoint on a good many levels.

The acting is...there, and the actors are good enough to play their parts. I think the writing is hit or miss for each scene.

The special effects are nice, though they won't wow you. The dragons look pretty sweet, and I found myself marveling at some of the effects.

The ending is...climactic enough, though I would have enjoyed some closure and maybe a little more TLC for the wounded hero, but hey, I didn't direct and no one took my calls.

If I had to rate this movie, which I guess I should seeing as this is a fargin' review, I'd give a back massage from a dazed Kera Knightly.